Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
