So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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