got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
