apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
