Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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