It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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