Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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