I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
