it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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