Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
