It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
