I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
