ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
