I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
