I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize