nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
