you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
