i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
