Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
