Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
