Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
