i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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