bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
