if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
