His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize