he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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