Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
