After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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