I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
