so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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