I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
