You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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