i barfeds in our rink
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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