That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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