# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
