dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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