I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
