i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
