Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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