So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What a dumb baby whore.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
