i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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