please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
