My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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