whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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