Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
