Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
