you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
