I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
