apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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