In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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