was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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