In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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