It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
