You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
