i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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