I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
