My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
