Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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