awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
