my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
