you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
