And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need water and some morals
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
