I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
