Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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