Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
