You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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