I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
