What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
