I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
