she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
